Second choice
by KerryAnne
Summary: Sometimes you don't always get what you want and end up settling for second or third best. This is what happened to Raph and Don, who both wanted Leo, but ended up settling for each other. Prequel to Trouble in Paradise.
1. Leo's 16th Birthday

Leo's 16  
Don's 14 (turning 15 on April 16)  
Raph's 14 (turning 15 on June 18)  
Mikey's 13 (turning 14 on March 13))

On January 14, Leo's sixteenth birthday, he was fast asleep, when he felt something land on his chest. Snapping open his eyes, he looked up and saw his mate, Mikey, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Morning, Leo," Mikey said. "Time to get up."  
"Ugh. Get off of me. You weigh a ton!"  
"Don't be so grumpy, Leo. That's Raph's job," Mikey said, not moving.  
"What time is it?"  
"One a.m. I'm horny, Leo," Mikey said huskily, running his fingers down Leo's plastron and making his shell feel extremely tight. "Come on, Leo. Let's play."

Mikey nipped at Leo's neck playfully, leaving little bite marks and making the older turtle groan. "You like this, huh, Leo?" he asked.  
"No, wait. We have to use a condom. I told you that I'm not ready to have babies."  
"Ugh. How to ruin the mood."  
"No condom, no sex. You know the rules."

Mikey scowled, got out the condom from a dresser and said, "Happy, Leo?"  
"Yes. Now continue."

Mikey kissed his way down Leo's body towards his throbbing groin. He spread Leo's legs apart with his knees and rubbed at the soft cartilage between Leo's legs, until the leader dropped down with a loud churr. Then Mikey stuck two fingers into Leo, prepping him. "Wow. That feels so amazing," Leo said.  
Mikey pressed a quick kiss to Leo's lips and said, "This will be even better."

When Mikey was sure that Leo was ready, he rubbed his own slit until he dropped down with a deep rumble. Then he stroked himself until he was fully erect, put on the condom, lined himself up with Leo's entrance and thrust inside. Slowly at first and then building up to a steady rhythm that soon had both of them churring and seeing stars. Letting out a deep rumble, Leo said, "This is fucking fantastic. Thank you, Mikey. I love you."  
"Love you too, Leo, and I always will."  
"Do you think Raph and Donnie will find love like we have?"  
"I don't know," Mikey said, as he thrust harder into Leo. "I hope so. It would be nice if they did, so Raph can stop gawking at you! I hate it when he does."  
"I'm going to come!" Leo yelled, and with a final churr, he came, spraying himself, Mikey and the bed sheets. Mikey came a minute later with a loud growl and flopped down beside Leo on the bed, panting heavily.

"Hey, Leo," Raph's gruff voice said from outside the door. "I can't sleep. Nightmare. Can I come sleep with ya? Please, bro."  
"Ugh. That's the fifth time this week, Leo," Mikey whispered. "You have to tell him no, Leo, otherwise he'll never stop and it's just a ploy anyway. He wants you."

"He's my baby brother, Mikey," Leo whispered back. "And he needs me. I'll go. You know I love you, so don't be jealous."  
"Of Raph? Give me a break. I'm not. No one could be attracted to that temperamental, stubborn, hotheaded jerk. I know you're not."  
"Uh huh. I'm not. Why would I be when I have the most amazing guy I could ever want? I love you, Mikey."

"Leo?" Raph said again. "Can I?"  
"Tell you what, Raph. You wait in the kitchen and I'll be there now, okay?"  
"Promise," Raph said in a broken voice that tore at Leo's heartstrings.  
"Yes."

Leo waited until Raph's heavy footsteps had receded. Then, as he wiped himself with a cloth and sprayed cologne to mask the heavy smell of sex, he said, "Mikey, I love you. I'll tell Raph we're together if it makes you happy."  
"Yeah. He needs to know his place, Leo, and Donnie would be perfect for him. I hate the way Donnie moons over you too."

Leo went into the kitchen and found his temperamental brother at the table. "Hey, Raph," he said, sitting down. "You want some hot chocolate?"  
"No, thanks. Leo, what do ya think 'bout me?"  
"You're brave, passionate, loyal..." Raph's face fell. "Not good answers?"  
"No. I was kinda hopin' for somethin' else."

Shit, Leo thought. He does have the hots for me and while I feel the same way, I have to tell him there's no chance of us happening, because I'm with Mikey. Aloud, Leo said, "Listen Raph…"  
"Look, Leo, I've loved ya ever since I was eight. I knew then that we were meant ta be together, when you carried me home after I sprained my ankle. I don't mean love as a brother," Raph said, his cheeks flushed. "More than that," he added shyly and grabbed Leo's hand. "We have so much in common. Yeah, I know we fight…"  
"Raph…"  
"Let me finish before I lose my nerve. We fight, yeah, but it ain't because I hate ya. I could never hate ya. I pick fights ta get yer attention. I know that sounds crazy, but, I'm crazy for ya and I think 'bout ya all the time. Donnie said ya can have babies. I'd like that with ya, Leo. I don't mean now, but in the future. Someday. We…"  
"Raphael…"  
"I ain't done. Yer sexy, smart, funny, caring, ya make me wanna be a better turtle, and I couldn't live without ya. I wanna be yer mate for life."

Raph sucked in a deep breath, leaned close and pressed his lips against Leo's, who out of loyalty to Mikey felt obligated to pull away, but he was unable to. Raph's lips against his felt so good and right. The emerald skinned and golden eyed turtle tugged on Leo's bandana tails to deepen the kiss and Leo found himself eagerly kissing his brother back; his lifelong dream being realized. To kiss the hothead. He'd always had a strong desire for Raph, but had thought his brother would never feel the same way, so when Mikey had asked him out, he agreed.

Leo and Raph kissed passionately, tongues exploring, until the desire for air was too great. Panting breathlessly, Raph said, "That was my first kiss, Leo. Thank ya. I never thought I'd have one and it was everythin' I thought it would be. Passionate, sweet and with ya. Hell, I love ya. After the party, ya think we can go somewhere? Just the two of us and get ta…"  
"Raph…"  
"Look, we don't have ta have sex. Just talk, see how things go. Please. I got somethin' for ya, but I only wanna show ya away from the others, so they won't laugh, okay? We can meet up and I'll show ya."  
"Raph, can I speak now?"  
"Sure."  
"I realized I was in love with you when I was ten and you were very sick that winter. We all thought you were going to die and the thought of that hurt something fierce. I NEVER felt that way about anyone else before. I never left your side and when you woke up, I was so grateful."  
"So ya love me too?" Raph said happily, his eyes shining.  
"Yes, I always have…"  
"Oh, hell, Leo. Ya just made me the happiest turtle alive," Raph said, and kissed Leo gently on his lips.

"Raph, I'm," Leo began, and was cut off by Raph kissing him again. They made out for a few minutes and then Leo broke apart and said, "The nightmares. Was it an act of yours to make me be with you?"  
"No. I get them all the time and I did have one tonight, but I also needed ta tell ya how I felt. Been tryin' ta for months. I wouldn't lie ta ya, Leo, because I respect ya so much. Will ya come back ta bed with me and hold me? We don't gotta have sex. That can come later. Yer my mate now, right?"  
"Huh?"  
"I mean, we kissed and stuff, confessed that we love each other. That means we're mates and we can have a bonding ceremony and shit and babies in the future."

I have to be honest, Leo thought. I love Raph, but I'm bound to Mikey and I can't just dump him after he's been so good to me, can I?

"Raph, stop," Leo said.  
"I say somethin' wrong?" Raph asked, his golden eyes clouding.  
"No. Look, I love you, but we can't be together."  
"Why not? Is it somethin' I've done?"  
"No, you're incredible, and if things were different, I'd be with you…"  
"I don't understand. Why?"

"Because he's fucking me," Mikey said, entering the kitchen and baring his teeth at Raph. "So get any fucking ideas of him out of your head, Raphael. He doesn't love you and NEVER will."


	2. Broken hearts

Hurt and disbelief flickered on Raph's face as he registered what Mikey had said. Leo and Mikey are fuckin'? Can't be true, can it? Raph thought despondently, trying not to cry, as his heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces. 'After all that Leo said ta me?' He swallowed hard, jealousy bubbling in the pit of his stomach and said, "Yer jokin' right, Mikey? Ya and Leo. I mean ya guys ain't even compatible and ya have nothin' ta offer him!"  
"And you do, Raphael?" Mikey said sarcastically. "You're a hotheaded, obstinate jackass. What the hell would Leo see in you? I make him happy," Mikey added, throwing his arms around Leo, who studied the floor. "Leo, tell him it's true. Tell him, so that he can get the idea of having you out of his head once and for all! I'm damn tired of him trying to move in on you!"

Leo muttered, "It's true. I'm with Mikey and I'm sorry, Raph. I didn't mean to…"  
"Take it back, Leo," Raph demanded, his golden eyes blazing as he shoved Mikey out of the way and pressed his lips to Leo's cheek. "Tell him it's me ya want. I know ya do. I've seen the way ya look at me. We belong together, Leo, and have always had a deep connection. TELL HIM YA WANT ME. I LOVE YA, LEO, AND YA LOVE ME."  
Leo looked up, but hung his hands neutrally at his sides and whispered, "I'm with Mikey, Raph, and you need to accept that. He and I love one another and we're bonded."

"See, Raph, he is with me," Mikey gloated. "And he'll never want you."

Rage flared up through Raph and he swung a punch at Leo, hitting him squarely on his beak. "Ya fuckin' asshole," Raph screamed. "I told ya I loved ya, ya douchebag, and opened myself up ta ya and ya played me. I'll never forgive ya, Leo. I swear ta hell I won't. And ya will never be happy with Mikey. He can't give ya what I could have. We both know that!"  
As Leo rubbed his sore beak, Raph spat at him, his golden eyes flinty, and stalked out of the lair, muttering curses.

"You can always have Donnie, Raphie," Mikey couldn't resist yelling, hoping Raph heard him, and wrapping his arms around his mate in a tight embrace.

Don entered the kitchen and said, "Morning, guys. I heard raised voices." Don's jaw dropped when he saw Leo and Mikey. I'm imagining things, he thought. Leo and Mikey? No, it's just a brotherly hug. Can't be more than that. Leo likes me. I know he does. He stares at me and we have so much in common. Not him and Mikey. They're as compatible as an orange and a banana.

Mikey and Leo pulled apart and Mikey said. "You did hear raised voices, Don. Raph was encroaching on my mate, so I had to tell him off. Now's your turn. Leo and I are together. We have been for some time now and are deeply in love."  
Leo flushed and said, "That's right."

Feeling like he'd taken a kick to the gut, Don pressed a hand to his heart, swallowed hard and said, "But Leo, you like me. I've seen the lingering glances you've cast at me."  
"All in your head, Don. I'm with Mikey and he makes me happy."

"There's always Raph," Mikey said. "You guys would be great together, Don. Think about it."  
"Me and Raphael?" Don all but screamed, his hazel eyes stormy, and his snout wrinkled in disgust. "I couldn't think of a more repulsive solution to my dating problem than that temperamental lout. I wish you well. Good day!" Don said, and stormed off to his lab, slamming the door behind him.

Leo sighed and said, as he hung his head, "That went well."  
"At least they know now, Leo," Mikey said. "Don't feel bad. It's better they know the truth and they won't try to move in on you anymore."  
"I don't feel bad," Leo lied. I do feel bad, especially for Raph, Leo thought. Because I love him and if things were different, I'd be with him in a nanosecond. I'll try to talk to him later and I hope he forgives me.

XXX

Raph was in his secret hideaway, tears streaming down his cheeks; as he cracked open a can of beer. Leo and Mikey, he thought bitterly, and took a long swig. Who'd have thought they'd get together? Certainly not me, because me and Leo always had the strongest bond and did everythin' together. We were supposed ta get bonded. Leo promised we would. Has he forgotten that promise? I haven't. I know we were seven and five at the time, but a promise is a promise, right? Raph took another long sip and thought back to a special moment in his life.

FLASHBACK: NINE YEARS EARLIER: FEBRUARY 2

Seven-year-old Leo sat huddled with five-year-old Raph in front of the space heater, while their brothers dozed next to them. "Leo, why do ya always get angry with me?" Raph whispered, trying not to wake Splinter, who was asleep on the second hand sofa.  
"I don't mean to, little bro, but you never leave me alone."  
"That's because yer my bestest friend in the whole world, Leo," Raph said, wrapping his arms around his brother.  
"You should play with Mikey and Donnie too."  
"But they're borin', and Mikey always wants me ta dress up as a girl. I hate it. I'd rather play with ya, Leo. I hate pink and makeup! Donnie always wants ta play scientist and it's borin'. Yer more fun, Leo, and ya don't make fun of me. Mikey says I'm fat."  
Leo smiled, pulled away and kissed his chubby brother's cheek. "You're not fat, Raphie. Don't listen to Mikey."  
Raph beamed and then his face fell and he said, "I ain't smart like Donnie either or like ya."  
"Remember what Sensei says, Raphie. We all have our own talents. You're good at drawing, painting, telling stories and making me laugh. You're my favorite little brother if I'm allowed to have favorites."  
"I am?" Raph said, and grinned. "Yer my favorite too, Leo. I love ya."  
"Love you too, Raphie."  
Raph looked at the TV, which Splinter had fallen asleep in front of, and said, "Look at that lady and man. They're kissin'.'  
"Yuck," Leo said, making a face.  
"Sensei says people do that when they love one another and they get married and have babies. Me and ya love one another. Will ya marry me and have babies?"  
"But we're boys. We can't have babies."  
"We can still get married," Raph said crossly, sticking his lower lip out.  
Leo smiled, unable to disappoint his baby brother, and said, "Okay, Raphie."  
"No, ya have ta say I will and promise ta marry ya. Then ya kiss me."  
"Where?" Raph pointed to his mouth and Leo said, "I will and promise to marry you," and kissed his brother on his mouth.  
Raph grinned and said, "I will and promise ta marry ya, Leo. Now we're engaged."  
Leo wrinkled his snout in disgust, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, having hated the kiss, and said, "Whatever. So when do we marry, Raphie?"  
"When we're big like Sensei."

"What are you boys still doing up?" a stern voice said. Golden and sapphire eyes looked up and met Splinter's brown ones.  
"Ya fell asleep, Sensei," Raph said. "And me and Leo were talkin'."  
"Come along," Splinter said, getting up and picking up Don and Mikey. "Time for bed."

As Leo and Raph followed Splinter to the room they shared with Mikey and Donnie, Raph said, "Me and Leo are gonna get married, Sensei."  
"Really, Raphael?" Splinter asked, tucking the younger two in.  
"Yeah," Raph said, and beamed, as he got into bed. "We're engaged. Isn't that right, Leo?"

"Yes," Leo said, hopping into bed. Raph asked me to marry him, Sensei."

Fear tore into Splinter's heart at the words. 'Marriage between my boys? They're brothers,' he thought. 'It can't happen and it's wrong. I have to separate my boys, so that can't happen. They're already too close for my liking, always hugging and kissing one another. Raphael, especially, worships Leo, and if I don't stop it now, it'll grow into something sordid. "You're brothers," Splinter said. "And boys, so not possible, my sons. Perhaps you'll meet a nice girl someday."  
Raphael scrunched up his face in disgust and said, "Ew, girls. They're gross, Sensei. And me and Leo are engaged. We can't marry someone else."  
"Raphael, it was just pretend," Splinter said, trying to remain calm. "Perhaps your feelings will change and you won't want Leonardo."  
"No, it was real and I'm gonna marry Leo," Raph insisted, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around Leo who'd fallen asleep.

Splinter sighed heavily, went to bed and the next day separated his boys, ordering Raphael to play with Donnie and Mikey more. The emerald skinned turtle had reluctantly obeyed, but still clung to Leo's promise throughout the years and had hoped Leo had clung to his.

BACK IN THE PRESENT: JANUARY 14

Raph was now onto his eighth bottle of beer and extremely plastered. He downed it, and standing up, gripped onto the wall, trying not to stumble. Then he slowly made his way home, nearly tripping several times.

When he arrived home, Splinter was in the lounge, watching one of his soaps. "Mornin', pops," Raph said, holding onto the wall to keep his balance.  
"Raphael, are you drunk?" the aged rat demanded, looking at Raph's bloodshot eyes.  
"Yeah, and ya can thank Leo for that. Leo and Mikey. They're fuckin' each other's brains out."  
Splinter's eyes nearly popped out of his head at the vitriol spewing out of his son's mouth. He approached him, backhanded him and snarled, "Don't talk about your brothers like that, Raphael. I will not tolerate that in my house."  
Raph laughed harshly and said, "It's true, old man."

"What's going on?" Leo asked, entering the lounge, followed by Mikey.  
"Your brother's been drinking, Leonardo," Splinter said. "And just informed me that you and Michelangelo have been intimate. Is that true?"  
Leo sighed internally, hating himself for what he was about to say. "No, Raphael's drunk. You know how he gets when he drinks, Sensei. Talks the biggest load of rubbish. Me and Mikey? Of course not. We're brothers and that would be so wrong."

"We wouldn't do that, Sensei," Mikey said. "Raph's drunk. And you know I like girls, Sensei."

"I ain't lyin'!" Raph growled. "Tell him that ya said ya love me, Leo. It ain't all in my head and neither was the promise we made ta marry."  
"I was a kid back then, Raph," Leo said. "It was pretend, just like earlier. It's pathetic that you've clung to that when it was just child's play! I don't love you or any of my brothers other than as brothers. God, you're sick thinking I would."

"Raphael, go to your room," Splinter ordered. "I'll deal with you in a while."  
The emerald skinned turtle glowered at his father and hissed, "It's true and one day ya will realize that yer precious sons ain't as innocent as ya think."  
"NOW, RAPHAEL!" Splinter boomed.

Raph tottered unsteadily to his room, banged the door behind him and promptly threw up on the ground. Then sinking onto the ground, angry tears coursing down his cheeks, he clenched his fists and thought, the old rat's so fuckin' stupid. I may be drunk, but I ain't a liar and I've never been one. Fuck Leo and Mikey for makin' me look like one. Then Raph upchucked again and passed out on the floor.


	3. Brotherly moments

FLASHBACK: SEVEN YEARS EARLIER

Eight-year-old Raphael played tag with his brothers on a lazy Sunday afternoon. "You're it, Raphie," Mikey said, tagging Raphael.

"Not for long," Raphael said, running after his brothers. He hopped over a piece of sheet metal, but landed awkwardly on his feet and he fell, his left ankle rolling and the sole of his foot facing inward. Raph howled in pain and clutched his ankle. "Raphie," his brothers said in unison, racing to his side.

Don was first and placed his hands on the ankle joint, checking to see if any bones were broken. "I'm no doc," he said. "But I'd say Raphie has a sprained ankle, which means no more play time and we'll have to carry him home."

"I'll do it," Leo said. "I'm the second strongest now that Raphie's injured." Raph tried to protest, as Leo picked him up bridal style, but Leo said, "No, Raphie. You can't walk. Just lie there. We'll be home soon and then Sensei will treat your ankle."

"Humph," Raphael said grumpily, but secretly pleased he was in Leo's arms. They'd been very close a few years prior, but Splinter had separated them, fearing that they'd end up together and Raphael missed his brother's hugs and kisses, although he'd never admit. As Leo carried him home, Raphael looked up into his sapphire eyes and thought, I still wanna marry Leo someday. When I was five, I know it was a crush, but I…I love Leo and I'm old enough ta know how I feel. I love everythin' 'bout him.

Sometime later, they reached the lair and Leo placed Raphael onto the second hand lounge sofa. Then he went in search of Splinter and explained what had happened. The aged rat joined his sons in the lounge and said, "Raphael, your brother has explained what has happened. I am sorry you are injured."

"Is it broken, Sensei?" Raphael asked fearfully.

Splinter placed his hands on Raphael's ankle and applied a bit of pressure, making Raphael grimace. "I do not think so. Merely sprained," he said to Raphael's relief. "However, it is extremely swollen and looks like a grade two sprain, which means it will take a few weeks to heal. Donatello, fetch a cloth and my healing ointment, so I can make a compress. It will help the swelling to go down, Raphael. After that you'll wear an ankle brace and use crutches."

"How long before he's healed, Sensei?" Mikey asked.

"Anywhere from a month to six weeks," Splinter said.

"So no trainin' or sparrin' or playin' outside?" Raphael asked forlornly.

"No, my son," Splinter said. "Thank you, Donatello," he added, as Don handed him the ointment and a cloth. Splinter dabbed the ointment onto the cloth and wrapped it around Raphael's ankle. "Hold it, Raphael, and keep it there. I am going to make dinner and Michelangelo, why don't you help me?"

"Okay, Sensei," Mikey said. "Raphie, is there anything you want?"

"Nothin', thanks," Raph said, wincing as another stab of pain hit him.

"I'm going to make you something special, Raphie," Mikey said. "You'll love it!" He ran off into the kitchen.

"Yeah, just like I loved the last somethin' special," Raphael muttered. "Peanut butter hotdogs. Yuck!"

Don and Leo giggled and Don said, "Raphie, can I do anything for you? Maybe fluff up your pillows? Get you something to drink?"

"Stop fussin', Donnie. I hate it!" Raphael hissed, hoping Don would leave.

"Well, I'll be in my lab if you need me," Don said, and exited the room.

Leo coughed, cleared his throat and said, "Sorry about having to carry you home, Raphie. I know it was humiliating and…"

"It's okay, Leo. Ya did what ya had ta do."

"Well, I'll be in the dojo meditating if you need me," Leo said, feeling awkward. They never had time alone together and he didn't know what to say.

"No. I'd like ya ta stay, Leo. We could watch a movie."

"You sure you want me to?" Leo asked incredulity. "I thought you'd want Donnie or Mikey to stay with you, because you're closer to them."

Raphael rolled his golden eyes and said, "Just sit down, Leo. How 'bout the Fox and the Hound?"

"Sure."

Leo placed the DVD into the player, sat down, covered them with a blanket and hit play. They watched, with Raphael sneaking glances at his brother now and then. The sapphire eyed turtle sat back relaxed and enjoyed the movie, but noticing Raphael looking at him a while later, he said, "What, Raphie?"

"Uh, nothin'," Raphael stammered. "I was just thinkin' that it's great ta spend with ya, Leo. I missed it."

"Me too," Leo said, stretching out a hand and squeezing Raphael's shoulder. They watched the rest of the movie in silence and when it was over, Leo pressed stop and changed it back to the TV.

Mikey ran into the room and said, "Dinner's ready, Leo. Raphie, you get to have yours on a TV tray. Donnie's already there. Quick. It's going to get cold."

Leo got up and said, "Think of a movie you want to watch, Raphie," and followed Mikey into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with Raph's dinner on a tray and set it on his lap. "Vegetarian pizza and water," Raphael groused. "Ya know I love pepperoni, Leo."

"Sorry, Sensei's on his health kick again. We're all having it. I'll be back now."

Leo returned a few minutes later with his tray and sat down. "The others are eating in the kitchen," he said. "Sensei said I could sit with you. That is if you want the company, Raphie."

"Sure."

There was silence, while they ate. Then Raphael said, "Leo, what do ya wanna be when ya grow up?"

"A crime fighter of course. That's what Sensei's training us for. I mean, what else could we be?"

"I wanna be a daddy," Raphael said so earnestly, Leo didn't know if he should laugh. The temperamental turtle, who prided himself on being tough, wanted babies and it sounded hilarious to his ears.

"That's nice, Raphie, but how are you going to have them? You're a boy and there are no mutant turtles besides us."

Before Raphael could comment, Mikey and the others entered the room. "You have not eaten, boys," Splinter said sternly. "Eat or no dessert. Michelangelo has made something quite spectacular."

"Count me out," Raphael said, pulling a face, as he bit into a piece of artichoke.

"It's delicious, Raphie," Mikey said. "I promise. Sensei tried it and loved it."

"Maybe he was just bein' polite."

"He did so like it. Please, Raphie. I made it especially for you, to try and make you feel better," Mikey said, turning puppy dog eyes on him.

"All right."

"Yay," Mikey said, clapping his hands gleefully.

Leo and Raphael finished their dinner. Then Mikey brought in a large caramel cake, while Donnie fetched plates and cutlery. Mikey dished up for them and Raph said, his mouth full, "This is dynamite, Mikey. Thank ya."

"Knew ya'd love it, bro," Mikey said and grinned.

Raphael watched, as Leo tucked into his piece, caramel on his lower lip. I wish I could lick that off, Raphael thought. I bet he tastes great. Leo licked his lips and Raphael couldn't help feeling tight in his shell. Oh, no, he thought. Not here. He forced himself to think of unpleasant thoughts, such as Splinter naked, and his urge to drop down went away. Relieved, he sighed audibly.

"Something wrong, my son?" Splinter asked.

"No, no, Sensei," Raphael said. "The cake was just amazin'. I was sighin', because I ain't had anythin' that good in ages and I loved it."

Splinter smiled and said, "Right. Finish up and time for one more movie before bed."

"I'd rather play video games," Mikey said. "Can I, Sensei?"

"Of course."

"And I have an experiment I want to check on," Don said. "So I'll take a rain check."

"And you, my sons?" Splinter asked, looking at Raphael and Leo.

"Can we watch the Mummy?" Raphael asked.

"It's a horror, my son."

"I know, but I won't get scared, because I'm a big boy and it's pretend."

"Yes then. I'll be in my room. Donatello, clear up the plates."

"Hai, Sensei," Don said, stacking the dirty plates and taking them to the kitchen.

XXX

Left alone with Raphael, Leo changed channels until he found the one with the Mummy. It hadn't started yet, so Raphael said, "Ya asked me how I'd have babies, Leo."

"Yeah, and?"

"What if one of us could have babies? I saw a male sea horse do that," Raphael said excitedly. "Think how awesome it'd be havin' a kid."

"Yeah? But we're mutant turtles, Raphie. It's not possible."

"So I'll never be a daddy?" Raphael asked crestfallen.

"No, Raphie. I'm sorry," Leo said, patting his shoulder. "But you'll always have your brothers."

Raphael was silent, as the movie began, but at one of the scary parts, he let out a whimper, to his immense consternation. Leo scooted a bit closer and whispered, "It's just a movie, Raphie. Don't worry."

"I know that, bonehead," Raphael snapped, but secretly thrilled Leo was nearer. He sniffed the air, inhaling Leo's intoxicating musk scent mixed with sandalwood and mint and let out another mewl, hoping Leo would comfort him. Leo smiled, turned to him, and pressed a feather light kiss to his forehead, making Raphael blush. "Shh," he said. "It's okay, Raphie. Why don't we change the channel?"

"I ain't frightened, Leo."

"Course not," Leo said and chuckled. "You're my…our, brave hothead. Leo placed a hand on Raphael's knee and Raphael felt a spark of electricity course through him at the touch. I love him, Raphael thought. He's awesome. Why can't he see that we're perfect for one another? Who cares what Sensei thinks? We could run away and…

"You seem deep in thought, Raphie?" Leo asked, looking at him.

"Nothin'. Hey, look. Someone's 'bout ta get killed. Cool!"

Leo smiled and turned his gaze to the screen. I wonder what he's thinking about, he thought.

Raphael squealed again a while later and Leo wrapped an arm around him and pressed him against his plastron. Raphael snuggled happily, breathing in Leo's scent, and feeling much calmer.

"Aww cute. The love birds are cuddling!" Mikey said, entering the room. "What a Kodak moment."

Leo and Raphael immediately pulled apart, blushing. "We weren't," Raphael said, glaring daggers at Mikey.

"Sure you weren't," Mikey said with a cheeky grin. "Next you'll be kissing and then there will be babies. Awww. I think Raphie would be a great mommy. After all, he loves wearing his pink princess dress."

"Shut up, Mikey," Raph snarled, baring his teeth. "If I weren't immobile, I'd beat yer ass. And ain't true. The last time I dressed up was when I was six and ya made me wear that pink, frilly dress and that dumb tiara! I'm a boy and I hate that!"

"I think Raphie doth protest. He loves Leo and Leo loves Raphie," Mikey taunted.

"Mikey, enough," Leo said. "I was scared and I hugged Raph. That's all."

"Surrre," Mikey said sarcastically. "I'm gonna go ta bed. Night, love birds," he added with a wink and left.

"Jackass," Raphael muttered.

"Don't listen to him, Raphie," Leo said, patting his hand. "We were just being brothers. Nothing wrong in hugging your brother."

Except I want more than huggin', Raphael thought. How 'bout that, Leo? Would ya let me?

Splinter entered the room and said, "Bed time. I've already pried Donatello from his lab and Michelangelo's in bed. Raphael, I will carry you to your room."

Desperate for more time with Leo, Raphael said, "The movie was creepy, Sensei. Could Leo sleep with me tonight? I know I'm a big boy but I'd like my big brother ta be with me." Raphael chewed his lower lip and waited for the reply.

Thinking his boys were no longer interested in one another, Splinter said, "Very well, but no more horror movies until you're much older. I warned you that they're too scary for young children."

"Hai, Sensei," Leo and Raphael said in unison.

XXX

A few minutes later, as Raphael and Leo lay in bed talking, Raphael said, "Thank ya, Leo, for bein' with me tonight."

"You're welcome, baby brother," Leo said with a smile.

"Can ya hold me, Leo, until I fall asleep? I know it's lame, but I really am scared," Raphael said, desiring to be in Leo's arms.

"Of course. Anything you want," Leo said, moving closer, pressing up against Raphael, and wrapping his arms around him. "Rest, Raphie," Leo said, and kissed his forehead. "Your big bro will always be with you."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die. I love you, Raphie."

"I love ya too, Leo," Raphael said, and kissed Leo's cheek, which felt smooth and silky and so soft. Raphael wanted to kiss Leo's lips so badly. They looked so inviting, so he reached up and placed a quick kiss on Leo's lips, his heart hammering in his plastron.

"What was that for?" Leo asked in surprise, as Raphael looked at him shyly.

"Just ta say thanks for bein' here for me, Leo. Means a lot."

"You're my baby brother. Of course I'd be here for you. That's what big brothers do."

"Yeah, but I drive ya crazy sometimes."

"You do, but doesn't make me love you any less. I love you, Raphie, and that won't ever change."

"I love ya too, Leo," Raphael said, burying his face into the crook of Leo's neck and closing his eyes. I love ya so much, Leo. More than brothers and I love kissin' ya. I wanna do it again. Yer lips are so warm and soft. And I don't believe we can't have kids. Somethin' tells me we will have kids someday and that me and ya will be together forever.


	4. Passion

Back in the present, January 14, Splinter sighed in frustration, wondering what he should do about his emerald skinned son's unacceptable behavior. Not only had he indulged in alcohol and come home intoxicated, he'd made disturbing accusations against his brothers. Accusations that couldn't possibly be true. My sons would never do something so base as sleep with one another. They're brothers for goodness sake, he thought in revulsion. No, Raphael was just trying to cause trouble, because he still resents that Leonardo is the leader. I've had enough of Raphael's attitude. I try repeatedly to help him, but the boy just won' t listen. I will make him listen once and for all.

The aged rat burst into Raphael's room and found him passed out on the ground, lying in a pool of his vomit. "Raphael!" he bellowed. "Wake up!"

"Gah!" Raphael groaned, opening his golden eyes and staring up at Splinter. "My head hurts so bad."

"That's not the only thing that's going to hurt!" Splinter roared, dragging him roughly to his feet, bending him over and hitting him on the butt with his cane.

"Sensei!" Raphael said in shock. "What are ya doin'?"

"Your behavior is reprehensible, Raphael, and making those accusations about your brothers is abominable," Splinter snarled, hitting Raphael again.

Raphael refused to cower and said, "It's all true!"

"YOU WILL NOT UTTER SUCH FILTH EVER AGAIN! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

"What the shell's going on?" Leo asked, appearing outside the bedroom, flanked by Mikey and Don.

"Your brother's behavior is intolerable!" Splinter yelled, hitting Raphael so hard, his cane snapped in two. Cursing, Splinter undid his belt and prepared to strike his rebellious son.

Leo held up a hand and said, "Stop, Sensei! He's had enough. Please stop!"

"Not until he listens," Splinter said irately. "Raphael, you will apologize for your disgraceful behavior and for spewing such filth about your brothers. You owe them an apology."

"I don't owe them jackshit," Raphael growled, rubbing his throbbing ass. "Like I said, it's all true. Come on, Leo. Tell him. Tell him that ya and Mikey are fuckin'. Be a man and stand up for yerself for once, instead of bein' up Sensei's ass!"

Splinter backhanded Raphael, who winced. "That's enough, Raphael," he said. "Is this true, Leonardo?" Splinter demanded.

"Uh, no. Course not," Leo said quickly, afraid of angering Splinter. "Mikey and I are just brothers like I said. I have no idea how Raphael came to those absurd conclusions that we're anything else."

"BECAUSE YA TOLD ME!" Raphael shouted, his face darkening. "Yer a coward, Leo. At least I ain't. I got the balls ta stand up for what I believe in…"

"RAPHAEL!" Splinter boomed. "Enough of this and your lecherous imagination. I'm waiting for an apology."

"Drop dead!" Raphael bellowed, and, after shooting a poisonous look at Leo, stormed out of the room and lair.

"Maybe we should go after him," Mikey said.

"No," Splinter said. "Raphael will come back when he's cooled down and I'll be waiting. Go get ready, my sons. April and Casey will be here soon."

"Hai, Sensei!" the brothers said in unison.

"I'm going to get ready," Leo said. He left the lair and went in search of Raphael, finding him in one of the tunnels they'd played in as kids. "Thought I'd find you here, Raph."

"Go ta hell!" Raphael screamed, getting in his face. "It's because of ya Sensei thinks I'm a liar, that I got drunk and I'm probably gonna get grounded! Yer a coward, Leo. At least I ain't and not afraid ta speak my opinion. Yer too afraid of upsettin' him and possibly gettin' banished. What would be so bad if one got banished, Leo? Just think ya'd have yer freedom, be able ta do what ya want when ya wanna, instead of bein' up his ass, but no, ya gotta be the golden fuckin' boy every time!"

"You're still upset about me being leader, aren't you?"

"It ain't 'bout that! It's 'bout ya and yer feelings and doin' what ya want, instead of always pleasin' others. I do what I want."

"And where does that get you, Raph? Always in trouble and who always bails you out? Me!"

"Ohhh. Yer halo needs a polish, Leo!"

"Jackass! I don't even know why I came here talk to you. I shouldn't have bothered. I'll just let you wallow in your delusions."

"Delusions?" Raphael growled. "We both know yer fuckin' Mikey and ya don't really want him. Ya want me, but yer too afraid of doin' what ya want. It's not really 'bout sparin' Mikey's feelings. It's more ' bout disapppointin' Sensei. Ain't I right, Leo? Ya love me. Ya've always wanted me. Ya said so yerself. Mikey was just second choice."

Leo pinched the bridge of his nose, sighed and said, "What do you want from me, Raph?"

"What I've always wanted. Ya!" Raphael said, shoving him against the wall and smashing his lips onto Leo's in a searing kiss that sent tingles down their spines. They kissed passionately, grinding their lower plastrons against one another, as hands roamed. Churrs rumbled up their throats, as they dropped down, cocks slick with precome, preparing for what nature intended.

"We can't do this," Leo moaned. "It's wrong."

"It ain't wrong, Leo. What's wrong is bein' with someone ya don't love."

"I want to stop, but I can't. I need you, Raph. I always have."

"Then make me yers, Leo," Raphael said, rubbing his cock against Leo's and causing him to groan. "Take me, Leo. Mark me."

"We…"

"We can. I wanna and ya do too," Raphael said, pulling away, lying down and parting his legs invitingly. "Take me, Leo." Golden eyes stared into Leo's sapphire ones and Raphael said huskily, "Fuck me. I need ya in me, Leo."

In the heat of the moment, Leo lost all inhibition, as he looked at his brother splayed out before him. Raphael was so beautiful and perfect and Leo felt an ache in his groin. An ache that wouldn't be satisfied until he followed through. "Since when are you an uke, Raph?" Leo asked, climbing onto Raphael.

Raphael blushed and said, "It's always been one of my desires for me ta bottom for ya."

"It's always been a desire to top you," Leo said. He nipped and sucked at his brother's collarbone, leaving marks and causing him to churr, while he raked his nails down Leo's strong, muscular arms. Leo then turned his attention to Raphael's slit, lapping it, prepping him for what was about to come next. "Fuck!" Raphael groaned. "I need ya in me, Leo."

"Someone's impatient," Leo teased. "You ready?"

"I was born ready for ya, Leo."

Leo smiled, pressed a kiss to Raphael's beak. Then he thrust in, causing a hiss to escape Raphael's throat "Am I hurting you?" Leo asked anxiously.

"No, Leo. It's just my first time," Raphael said bashfully.

"Ah. Then I promise I'll be gentle. We'll go slow or if you want me to stop, I will."

"I don't want ya ta stop. I'm okay. Just continue. It hurts worse if ya stop."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, Leo."

"All right. It'll sting a bit, but the pain will go away, Raph."

"FUCK ME ALREADY!"

Leo chuckled and resumed thrusting, gradually increasing his speed, and watching Raphael, whose eyes had closed, churring now in pleasure as Leo repeatedly stabbed at his prostate. Leo sped up even more and it wasn't long before Leo came, shouting Raphael's name and shooting his essence deep inside of him. Raphael came a few minutes later yelling Leo's name, panting heavily, his seed spraying himself and his brother.

Leo pulled out of him and snuggled up to him, wrapping his arms around him. Raphael sighed contentedly, nuzzling against Leo, and said, "Thank ya, Leo. That was amazin'."

Basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking, Leo kissed Raphael's lips and said, "It was. I love you."

"I love ya, Leo. Is it like that with ya and Mikey? Passionate."

"It's different. There's love, but it's a different kind of love."

"I get it. He's like a habit ya can't let go of. Ya love him, but ya ain't in love with him no more, but ya don't wanna hurt him."

"That's a lot of buts."

"Is it true?"

"Yes, Raph. It's true. I should go get ready. April and Casey will be here soon."

"And us?" Raphael asked hopefully. "Does this change things or was it just a fling?"

"I would never treat you as a mere fling, Raph. You're worth so much more than that and are so precious. The most precious thing I have. I'm going to talk to Mikey and Dad first chance I get."

"Yeah?" Raphael said excitedly, his eyes shining with happiness.

"Yes, Raph. You're right. It's time I stand up for myself and what I want. I want you and I don't want to skulk around in secret anymore."

Raphael's heart soared and he said, "That's the Leo I knew as a kid. Fearless and not an asslicker. What if Sensei banishes us? And Mikey hates yer guts?"

"Then we'll make a life somewhere else. Just me and you."

Raphael beamed and said, "I think we got time for one more round, Fearless, and I promise ya, I will always love ya and do my best ta make ya happy."

"Ditto, Raph."

After another round of lovemaking, Leo and Raphael headed home, unaware that someone had been in the shadows and had seen and heard everything.


	5. Second choice

The figure headed back to the lair, arriving before Leo and Raphael, and went into the lounge, where Mikey was watching TV. "Oh, hey, April," Mikey said, glancing up at the redhead.

"Hi."

"Casey not with you?"

"He's on his way with the food. I had to visit a sick friend and came on foot. Listen, Mikey. There's something I need to tell you," April said, and took a deep breath. "I know how innocent you are, but I have to tell you, so that you have some time to deal with it before they get here."

"Huh?" Mikey asked in confusion, raising an eye ridge. "What are you talking about?"

"When people, even turtles, have urges, they mate, Mikey, and if there are no females around, males go with other males. It's normal."

"What are you trying to say? You saw two turtles mating on TV? No big deal. I've seen that."

"That's not what I mean. I was on my way here and I saw Leo and Raphael going at one another. Leo was on top of him and they were churring. I just wanted to let you know ahead of time, because…."

"Leo and Raphael were fucking?" Mikey snarled, balling his hands into fists.

"Yes, but it's normal. They have urges and love is love, Mikey. You should be happy they found one another. Don't be upset. I'm sure you will meet someone and there's always Donnie. He's a great guy."

Before Mikey could comment, Leo and Raphael entered the lair. Mikey swallowed his anger, as the strong smell of sex and sweat emanated from his brothers, and said calmly, "You guys were gone a long time."

"Yeah. We had a lot to sort out," Raphael said, shooting a triumphant look at Mikey that made him want to punch the emerald skinned turtle. How dare he look so smug, Mikey thought. And Leo, look at him. He's not even ashamed.

"Happy Birthday, Leo," April said, throwing her arms around him. "Casey will be here soon."

"Thanks, April," Leo said, when they'd disengaged.

"No problem. By the way, you and Raphael make a sweet couple."

"What are you talking about?" Leo asked, his face reddening, wondering if she'd seen him and Raphael. "Um, me and Raph aren't together."

"No! We are," Mikey said, wrapping his arms around Leo possessively, and scowling at Raphael.

"You know, I think I forgot something on the stove," April said nervously, realizing she'd told Mikey that Leo had cheated on him. "Bye."

"Oh, really?" Raphael demanded angrily, looking at Leo, who flinched at Raphael's tone. "Ain't what ya said just now, Leo. Ya said ya wanted me and were gonna tell Mikey."

Mikey laughed sarcastically, as Leo ducked his head, and said, "That's what he said? Well, he wasn't serious, Raphael. You were just a cheap fuck. It's me, who he loves."

"Ain't true, Leo. Tell him ya said ya loved me when we made love. Tell him. Be a man."

Leo looked up, tears shimmering in his eyes, and said, "I cheated on you with Raph, Mikey. I'm sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

"What the fuck?" Raphael hissed, golden eyes blazing. "Ya want his forgiveness. What happened ta 'I love ya', Raph'?"

"What's going on here?" Splinter asked from inside his bedroom. "Sounds like you're arguing. Ah, Raphael, you're back. Report to my bedroom."

"We shouldn't have happened, Raph," Leo said. "I'm sorry, but like I said earlier today, my heart's with…."

"Load of crap. Ya don't love him, like ya love me. Yer a fuckin' pansy, Leo! Where's yer fuckin' self pride?"

"Raphael!" Splinter boomed. "I'm waiting!"

"Yeah, Raphael. You don't want to keep Daddy waiting," Mikey said and smirked.

"Screw ya," Raphael said, hurt etched on his face. "And fuck ya, Leo. Ya will never be happy with him. Every time ya bang him, it's me yer thinkin' of. Well, don't think I'll take ya back. Ya can go fuck yerself."

"Oh, we will," Mikey said. "Enjoy your right hand, Raphie."

"Raphael!" Splinter yelled.

The emerald skinned turtle gave Leo one last glare and stomped off to Splinter's room, his heart shattered into a million pieces. Leo's a coward, he thought. And ain't no way I'm gonna ever take him back. Not even if he begs me.

XXX

Raphael stood in his father's bedroom, his arms crossed, and said, "Yeah?"

"Is that all you have to say, Raphael?" Splinter asked.

"What more do ya want me ta say?"

"How about I'm sorry? That'd be a good start."

"But I ain't. Everythin' I said was true. Mikey and Leo are fuckin', screwin'. Why can't ya see it? Are ya that much of a fuckin' prude and in denial?"

"Raphael!" Splinter shouted, tapping his cane on the ground. "Bend over. I will not have such….."

"Whatever. Ya can cane me all ya like, but it don't stop what's goin' on. Yer sons are fuckin' one another's brains out and yer so up yer own ass that ya don't wanna see it!"

"Bend over! Now!"

Raphael bent over and Splinter whacked him ten times on each butt cheek. The teenager grit his teeth and tried not to flinch from the blows. When Splinter was finished, he watched Raphael rub his bruised butt and said, "If you ever utter such filth again, I will wallop you. Do I make myself clear?"

"Whatever," Raphael said sulkily.

"You will dine with us tonight and you will be on your best behavior. It is Leonardo's birthday and you will not spoil it."

"God forbid I upset yer favorite son," Raphael said sardonically.

"I don't have favorites."

"Ya do! Ya always have. I'm the black sheep, the rebel, the one ya don't love."

"Go to your room, Raphael. I will call you for supper, and it's not true. I love you just as much as your brothers."

"Why won't ya believe me, Sensei? I don't tell lies."

"Because it's not true, Raphael. Leonardo is a pinnacle of innocence and believes in abstinence. That's the Bushido way. Just like it should be with you. Sex clouds the mind. I've told you boys that millions of times. Do you get urges, Raphael? If so, meditate. It'll clear your mind of such impure thoughts. You'll feel so much better. Trust me, my son."

What a deluded, old fashioned moron, Raphael thought. Aloud, he said, "Can I go now?"

"I want an apology."

"I'm sorry. Now, can I go?"

"Apologize to your brothers too."

"For what?"

"Being so impertinent."

"But…."

"Now, Raphael. I will go with you."

Swell, Raphael thought bitterly, as he followed his father to the lounge. I have ta apologize ta the dickheads for my behavior. Mikey's gonna lap that up and tease me mercilessly.

XXX

April and Casey had arrived and were talking to Leo and Mikey. After greeting them, Splinter said, "Raphael has something he wants to say."

"Yeah. I'm real sorry for bein' such an ass ta ya and Mikey, Leo. I know ya both follow the Bushido way. Yer pure and ta say ya have been screwin'one another's disgustin'."

"That's all right, Raphie," Mikey said, flashing a fake smile at his brother. "I forgive you."

"Me too," Leo said, wishing a hole would swallow him up. He felt like the biggest asshole on the planet. Not only for cheating on Mikey, but for hurting Raphael too. God, how he wanted Raphael-he loved him so much, but he didn't want to hurt Mikey any more than he had.

"Raphael will be doing your chores for the rest of the month," Splinter said. "And extra meditation with me. Now, go to your room, Raphael. I'll be there in a bit."

"Hai, Sensei," Raphael said, hating the gloating look Mikey gave him. Bastard. I'm gonna punch his ugly mug, Raphael resolved, as he headed to his room.

XXX

The rest of the evening was uneventful, and after the guests had gone home, Splinter said, "Go to bed, my sons. Raphael, I want you up at five to meditate with me. And read that book on Bushido I gave you. Sex is wrong, Raphael. You are to remain pure and innocent in body and in mind. That is an order."

I'd like ta tell him how me and golden boy fucked, Raphael thought. That would shut him up. "Hai."

"Good. Now, good night, my sons."

"Good night, Sensei," the brothers said in unison, and went to their bedrooms.

XXX

Raphael was almost asleep, when a knock sounded on the door. "Yeah?"

"It's me, Donnie. Can I come in?"

"All right."

Don opened the door, went inside and said, "How are you doing, Raph?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Look, Sensei may be blind, but I'm not. I see how lovey-dovey Mikey and Leo are when they think no one's looking and you hardly sat still all night, like you had ants in your pants. What happened?"

"Got a beatin' for sayin' that Mikey and Leo were fuckin'."

"Ah. Sensei's so in denial."

"Yeah. What do ya want, Donnie?"

"Me and you both love Leo."

"I hate him after what he did. We made love and that was my first time."

"He cheated on Mikey with you?"

"Yeah. And he was gonna tell Mikey he wanted me, but he chickened out and asked for Mikey's forgiveness. What a bastard and a fuckin' coward. He don't love him, Donnie. He loves me."

"You're mad at him, but you still love him, Raph. You always have. I do too, but we're not going to get him. He's picked Mikey and nothing will change that."

"I suppose, because he's a puss," Raphael snorted in disgust.

"Which means there are two options open to us."

"What?"

"Well, who's going to like us, Raph? April has a crush on a boy at school. Casey likes a girl. No other humans would want us. And there are no other female or male turtles around."

"I could see ya with Baxter," Raphael quipped. "Yer both smart. He's a mutant."

"I don't date bugs, even if they are geniuses! No other good mutants would want us either, which means, we have two choices: be alone or date one another."

"Us datin'?" Raphael asked in astonishment. "Come on. We're like bananas and mangoes. Incompatible. What the hell do we have in common?"

"We love working with our hands, getting dirty and love machines."

"Yeah, but is that enough for a relationship?"

"It's a start. We're each other's second choices. It sucks, but it's better than being alone."

"No offence, but I ain't even attracted ta ya, Donnie. Yer a geek."

"And you're a thug," Don retorted. "I don't find you sexy, but it's….I'm just throwing it out there. We can try. If it doesn't work out, we can go back to being alone and dreaming of Leo, while we masturbate alone in our beds each night! So, what do you say?"

"Fine. We try, but my heart belongs with Leo. I don't see that changin'."

"Me either. You could never measure up to him. Hell, he's so dreamy. Anyway, tomorrow night, we'll go out. Me and you and we'll have a date."

"I ain't goin' ta some shitty geek thing, Donnie."

"Then what do you want to do, loudmouth?"

"I don't know."

"We'll talk tomorrow. Can I kiss you?"

"What? Why?"

"To see if we have chemistry."

"I guess," Raphael said, while inwardly recoiling at the thought.

Don touched his lips to Raphael's and they shared a chaste kiss, before Raphael pulled away. "Feel anything?" Don asked.

"Nada. Kissin' ya was like kissin' my brother, which ya are. Sorry."

"Yeah, same, but maybe it'll grow over time. I'm going to bed. Night, Raph."

"Night."

When Don had gone, Raphael sank back against his pillow, tears running down his face and thought, second best. That's all Donnie is and all I'll ever be ta him. I'll go on that date with him, but I don't think it's gonna work out. My heart is and will always belong ta Leo.


	6. Splinter's stance

The next morning, January 15, Raphael woke up a little before five and stretched lazily in his hammock. Today's gonna be a fuckin' long day, he thought, stifling a yawn and rubbing his eyes. Borin' ass extra meditation with Sensei, then trainin' and then that date with Donnie later. Bet it'll be a big flop. I wish it was with Leo. I know I'm mad at him, but I still love him so much. If only he'd grow a pair. His phone dinged and, grabbing it, he read, "Wanna hang out later, bud? Case."

"Got plans," Raphael typed.

"Maybe tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, Ape told me what went down. I'm sorry, bud."

"Shit happens."

"If you ask me, it's Leo's loss, Raph. You're an awesome guy and I know you'll meet someone."

"Yeah. I'm overwhelmed with all the offers."

"Have hope, Raph. I mean, look at me. Me and Ape split and I thought I'd never meet anyone and then I met Tatyana."

Yeah, but you're human, Raph thought. I don't have many options. If Donnie don't work out, that's it for me.

His phone dinged again and Raphael read, "Junk yard tonight at nine, Donnie."

Yeah, tonight's gonna be so much fun, Raphael thought acerbically. Junkyard. How romantic! I can't wait.

His phone rang and he said, "Yeah?"

"Raphael, it's Mona."

"Oh, hey. Ya okay?"

"Fine. You?"

"Just peachy."

"I have some time off and I thought we could hang out."

"Um, I can't, Mona. Ya know I'm busy savin' the world from evil doers," Raphael said quickly. He liked Mona as a friend, but it would never be more than that and he didn't want to lead her on.

"You know, I think you just don't want to spend time with me," Mona said accusatorily.

"It's not that. Yer a good friend. I'm just very busy."

"Ah. The friend word!"

"Look, I'm sorry, Mona, but that's all…"

"Is there someone else?" Mona asked jealously.

"Yes!"

"Is she prettier than me?"

"What?"

"The girl? Is she prettier and stronger than me?"

"He…."

"Oh," Mona said and heaved a sigh of relief. "That's okay."

"I don't follow ya?" Raphael said in confusion.

"I was wondering if I was repulsive and that's why you didn't like me."

"Shit. No, Mona. Yer a babe and if I were straight, ya'd have ta take a restrainin' order out against me. Honest."

"Who's the lucky guy?"

"Donnie."

"Now that's a surprise."

"How come?"

"Don's a nice enough guy, but I doubt he's your type. Bookworm and a nerd. Leo's more your type. Why don't you pursue him? And I just want to say, I'm disappointed we won't date, but if being with a guy makes you happy, then I can accept it. I just want you to be happy."

A knock sounded on the door and Splinter said, "Raphael, dojo now."

"Gotta go, Mona," Raphael said. "Talk later." Raphael disconnected the call, donned his gear, opened the door and headed to the dojo.

"Good morning, Raphael," Splinter said. "Sleep well."

"Hai."

"Sit."

Raphael sat on the meditation mat, closed his eyes and thought, please let this go by fast. Don't wanna be here. "Open your eyes, Raphael," Splinter said. "It's time we talk."

"Bout what?" Raphael said, opening his eyes.

"You've always been so passionate, fiery, fierce, brooding and angry. I was a lot like you in my youth, but as I aged, I became mellower. I hope that'll be the case for you. You have a lot of fine attributes, but you need to calm down and realize you are loved. By me and by your brothers and that will never change. When I punish, it is only to help you. I do not get any pleasure from it."

Blah, blah, blah, Raphael thought. Same old shit. He don't mean it. Just empty words. He don't love me.

"Did you take stock of what I said last night, Raphael?"

"No offence, Sensei, but I'm a teenager and sex is on my mind a lot. Why can't ya understand that? Ya were a kid once."

"Let me be frank, Raphael. You are a mutant and there is no chance of that happening, so it's better to squash those thoughts than be disappointed. You are destined to be alone. Accept it and meditate and you will feel better."

"Is that what ya tell yerself when yer alone, Sensei? Come on. Ya get urges too. Yer a man."

"Raphael, you're being impertinent!"

"I'm bein' real. Yer sons have urges, desires, wants. More than makin' yer happy and bein' yer puppets. We want love, cuddles, hugs, kisses, the freedom ta be us and not what ya want us ta be! I want a family and a mate. What's so fuckin' wrong with that and if it is one of my brothers, why is that so bad? Ain't no other options! Yer a bigoted, old fashioned…."

Splinter's eyes blazed dangerously and he backhanded Raphael, sending him sprawling onto the ground and holding his aching cheek. "That is enough, Raphael," he yelled.

Raphael pulled himself to a sitting position, golden eyes flashing, and said, "Ya can try, Sensei, but ya can't stop nature or love."

"You're grounded for the next..."

"Whatever. I know the drill," Raphael snapped, rising to his feet. "But hear this, one day ya will be decrepit and frail and don't think I'll be there ta help ya. I'll be with my family and my mate and ya won't be able ta stop it! I have urges! And ya should know, golden boy and I fucked and it was…."Raphael smirked and added, "Amazin'. He filled me up with his sperm and I love him and there's **NOTHIN'** ya can do that'll change that! Leo loves me too and we will be together, so fuckin' put that….."

Splinter stared at Raphael in a mixture of fury and disbelief. Then, rising to his feet, he advanced upon his son and began whacking him with his cane as hard as he could, flaying open his skin, causing numerous welts and bruises. Raphael tried to ward off the blows, but the rat was merciless and the blows were coming thick and fast, not giving him time to defend himself. Raphael crumpled to the floor and whined and whimpered, pain coursing through his body and still the blows rained down, the old rat unable to stop, so incensed was he. Eventually, he stopped and studied his now unconscious son. Then, opening the dojo door, he stepped outside and said to Leonardo, who'd heard shrieks and was coming to investigate, "Call your brothers to the dojo now."

"Hai, Sensei!" Leonardo said, and did as he was instructed.

A few minutes later, Leonardo, Donatello and Mikey stared in horror, jaws dropped at the sight of their fallen brother. "W-what did you do, Sensei?" Leo asked.

"What any loving father would do," Splinter said. "I put him in his place and showed him that disrespect will not be tolerated."

"Is he dead?"

"No. Unconscious."

"But why?"

"Raphael informed me that you two were intimate, Leonardo. Is that true?"

A chill went down Leonardo's spine, and afraid he'd suffer the same punishment as his brother, he said, "No. Never."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

"And you two," Splinter said, turning towards his other sons. "Have you harbored desires for any of your brothers?"

"Never!" Mikey said.

"Not ever," Don said. "The idea's gross."

"And have you lusted after Michelangelo and Donatello, Leonardo?" Splinter asked.

"Of course not. My only desire is to serve you, Sensei, and make you and our family proud. That's all we've all ever wanted. Sex clouds the mind and we don't think about it."

"Good. Then it is Raphael, who has the problem, who is lying and who is trying to cause trouble. Bring your brother to the infirmary. He needs care."

The mortified brothers carried Raphael to the infirmary and laid him on a stretcher. Splinter looked at his still passed out son and said, "I have a solution to Raphael's disobedience and deviant thoughts. He spoke of his love for you, Leonardo, and it is revolting, don't you think?"

"Hai, Sensei."

"Donatello, your brother's going to need general anesthetic."

"Why?"

"Because neutering is the only solution to his disobedience and deviant thoughts and it'll stop him spreading such lecherous lies about sleeping with you lot. All he'll be is obedient and pure. The way he should be and the way I have taught you all to be."


	7. Doctor Don

"No!" Leo said. "Neutering isn't the option, Sensei. It's so drastic and what if he did meet a girl, who wanted him and they wanted kids? You'd be taking that away from him. No."

"But Raphael shouldn't be having those thoughts, Leonardo. I taught you all that those thoughts are not what a true ninja should have."

"But there's a better option than neutering him, Sensei."

Leo's phone went and he said, "This is a bad time, April!"

"I found out my cousin just died, Leo, and I really need someone to talk to. Please come over. Please."

"I'm sorry. We'll be there now, okay? See you soon." Leo hung up and relayed the message.

"Donatello will stay with Raphael while we go," Splinter said. "I will commence the hypnosis when I return."

"No need, Sensei. I can do it," Donatello said. "Don't worry. Raphael will soon be a meek, pure ninja."

"I am glad to hear that. Come along, Leonardo and Michelangelo." As Leo followed Splinter, he thought, Poor Raph. It's all my fault. I'm going to talk to him when I come home.

Donatello studied Raphael and thought, no hypnosis won't work. I have a better idea. Pills to suppress his sexual urges. I can always tell him he has a medical condition and needs them and he'll believe me. I have some in the drawer I got a long time ago in case any of my brothers were problems. I'll tell him the pills are to prevent blood clotting and that I discovered today he needs them, else he'll die. There are many side effects: could affect his liver and adrenal glands, fatigue, hot flushes, change in weight, depression, restlessness, short of breath but it'll reduce his sexual urges and lower his sperm count. He'll probably never be able to father any children. Not that there's a chance of it anyway. I'll examine him regularly to make sure he's fine, though, and if there are any problems, he'll have to come off it. And there's the chance he'll discover he's fine and will be furious, feeling betrayed, but this is the golden ticket to getting rid of him as competition for Leo and I'm going to take it.

Don pulled up a chair beside Raphael's bed and sat down, thinking, this means Raphael won't be interested in any of us in a romantic, sexual way. One less competitor down. If it works, I'll move on to Mikey and dose him too. Do I feel bad? No. Eventually, I'll have Leo and that's all that matters. Naturally, I'll dump Raphael when his urges go away, saying I'm a sexual guy and need sex. He'll be devastated, but who cares?

Golden eyes flickered open a while later and Raphael groaned, as pain radiated through his body. Donatello smiled and said, "Welcome back, Raph. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"You'll feel better in a few days and be able to get up, but for now, I strongly recommend bed rest."

"Ain't gonna argue. Fuck Sensei. I swear he probably broke ribs."

"Yes. You have two cracked ribs and multiple cuts and lacerations and I discovered something else when examining you. It's not good, Raph."

"Am I sick?" Raphael asked, eyes wide in panic, dreading the answer.

"Yes. Your blood's clotting, Raphael, and you could have a stroke."

"But I'm too young, Donnie. I'm only fourteen. How's that possible?"

"I don't know."

"Is there anythin' ya can do ta help me? I don't wanna die. Please."

"Yes. You need to take pills to prevent the clotting, but you'd have to take them for the rest of your life at the same time every day. And there are side effects. For example, you could develop necrosis."

"Gangrene?" Raphael swallowed thickly, tears springing to his eyes. He loathed medication, but what option did he have?

"That's right and you'll have to modify your diet somewhat. Eat a lot healthier."

"All right. I'll take them pills. Better than dyin'."

"Good. I'm glad. None of us would want to lose you, Raph, and you and I still have that date to go on."

"Yeah. I'm sorry 'bout that. I know ya probably had somethin' special planned."

"It can wait until you're better. All that matters is your health and I have no doubt you'll soon be up and walking."

"Thanks, Donnie. Man, Sensei really did a number on me. And all I was doin' was speakin' the truth."

"I know, Raph, but don't worry about that. Just get better," Don said and planted a kiss on Raphael's cheek. "I'll be back now with some food, okay?"

"Thanks, Donnie. Hey, I'm sorry I called ya a geek and I appreciate ya bein' so nice ta me."

"It's what brothers do, Raph. We care about one another."

Donatello returned a few minutes later holding a plate of sandwiches. He helped Raphael into a sitting position and gave him the plate, as well as a glass of water. "Thanks, Donnie," Raphael said.

"No problem. Eat up and then sleep."

Raphael took a large bite of his sandwich, chewed, swallowed and said, "This is so good. What is it?"

"Just toasted cheese, Raph."

"It's the best I've ever had. Wow. What's yer secret?"

"I use toaster bags. Less greasy."

"Oh. Hey, has Leo asked 'bout me?"

"No. They've gone to April's and he hasn't."

Hurt flickered on Raphael's face and he growled, "Well, fuck him. I don't need him. I got ya."

"Indeed," Don said, and placed a hand on Raphael's. "You do."

"Maybe," Raphael husked. "When I'm better, we can have some fun. Would ya like that?"

"Of course. Eat up, Raph."

Raphael finished his meal and Don opened a dresser, took out a bottle of pills, opened it and shook a couple into his hand. Then he went to Raphael and said, "Take these tablets with your water. These are to prevent the blood clotting."

"Here goes nothin'," Raphael said, and dutifully took the medication.

"Good. Now, sleep, Raph," Don said, picking up the plate.

"Don't I get a kiss?" Raphael asked with a smirk.

Don bent down and kissed him tenderly on the lips. "How's that?" he asked.

"Better than last time. Donnie, I'm gonna give my all ta us. I really do wanna see how things can go."

"Me too," Don lied.

"Hey, Donnie. Do ya like it slow or rough?"

"Never had sex before."

"Then I'll be yer first."

"Yes and I hope you'll be gentle."

"I may look like a brute, but I can be gentle and I'm gonna show ya just how much. And I can be a romantic," Raphael said, flushing. "I'm gonna treat ya right, Donnie."

"As will I. Now, rest, Raph."

Don left, closed the door and thought, I can't wait until the medicine takes affect!

XXX

Meanwhile, thirty-four-year-old Shredder was lunching with a girl his mom, Miyoko, had been insisting he meet, claiming that she could be the one for him. The one to settle down with and have the kids he'd always desired. Shredder had finally agreed to meet the girl, but she was everything he disliked: loud, rude and boring, rambling on about her job in engineering, as if he cared what she did. AJ (Astrid Jane) was annoying and he wished… God, he even wished there was a battle with the turtles. Anything, but this inane drone of a woman. Could he even call her that? She looked like a man with her short dark hair, A-cup boobs and was too muscular. No, he liked his women voluptuous, blonde, quiet and submissive. He liked men too and those he liked to be muscular, but also submissive. He thought back to the turtles and smiled. One of them had caught his eye to his immense surprise and initial disgust. Raphael with the golden eyes, emerald skin and thick, bulging muscles and toned legs. He was a beauty and Shredder longed to have him pinned to the ground, his huge rod buried deep inside the turtle's ass, taming the hothead and claiming him. Marking him as his forever. It made Shredder hard thinking about it and he sighed audibly. Raphael's a fantasy, he thought. I just want someone to love and to love me. Why is that so fucking difficult to find? I'm not ugly. I'm quite the hunk, so I don't know why I can't find my soulmate!

"You're not listening, Saki," AJ snapped.

"Nope and I'm done with this lunch," Shredder said, rising to his feet. "I'd rather masturbate forever than endure another second with your incessant monologue. I don't know what Mother was thinking. We have nothing in common and you look like a man. I'd change that if you actually want to meet men." Shredder stalked out, climbed into his car and drove home. Another failed date, he thought. Home to Mother and her questions about why and her chastising me. As if I'm the problem! I'm not fussy. I just want someone compatible!

When he got home, not finding his mom anywhere, Shredder decided to go online in a chat room and try his luck there. Who knows, he thought, maybe I'll meet someone nice?

XXX

Raphael had slept for a while, but upon waking, he was bored. Looking for something to do, he opened a drawer and found an Ipad. Switching it on, he created a fake profile and went into a chat room, just wanting to talk to someone. He had a few messages, replied to them and then a user caught his eye. "Hey, metalmouth86," Raphael typed. "How ya doin'? Interestin' name."

"Hello, ninja14. I'm fine and you? And, I, uh, like heavy metal. That's the reason behind my user name."

"Could be better. How's yer day been? Wow. Cool. Me too. Favorite band?"

"Been on a crappy date my mother organized and I like Slayer."

"Classic. Great taste, man. Love them too. Hah. Yer thirty-four and yer mom sets ya up? That's funny! I'd laugh, but hurts ta after the beatin' I got."

"You're fourteen. Why are you in a chat room? Shouldn't you be doing your homework? And who hit you? Are you a ninja?"

"My pops. I don't have homework. Kinda done with school and yeah, I'm learnin'. Ya like ninjitsu?"

"Been doing it all my life."

"Cool."

"At fourteen you're done with school? You some kind of genius? Hey, why are you talking to me? You like older men? You're jail bait."

"Nothin' wrong in chattin'. Ain't a genius. Just me. Wanna tell me yer real name?"

"It's... You're being nosey."

"I'm just bein' friendly and for the record, I do like older men. Do ya like younger boys?"

"Look, I'm not answering that. You could be a cop."

"I ain't no cop. Trust me and I'm sorry 'bout yer date. Shouldn't have laughed."

"Hmm. Why are you on this site?"

"Lonely kid. Just lookin' ta make friends. Got my brothers, but they don't understand me. Gonna see how things go with a guy, but I don't know if it'll work out. Sense ya need a friend too else ya wouldn't be on here?"

"Maybe, kid. So, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"Honestly. A daddy. Ya can laugh if ya wanna."

"That's nice, but besides that? And I want that too."

"I'd love ta be an actor in action movies, but ain't gonna happen."

"Never know. Go for it. You can do anything. Believe in yourself."

"What work do ya do?"

"I'm part of hostile take overs. I like to buy….take over organizations."

"Oh. So haughty and have a major ego, huh? Ya'd get on well with my big brother. He is a real drip and is always suckin' up ta our dad. Fuck. Makes me so mad."

"And feel left out? And you're right. I do get a bit worked up and have a huge ego and I'm lonely."

"Yeah. Feel like the black sheep. I'm the rebel, the hothead. No one gets me. Hey, maybe ya need ta work off some of that steam with me. How's tomorrow work for ya?"

"I'm sorry for you and I know how that feels. My childhood also wasn't easy. My mom was domineering and my father died when I was really young. Never felt like I belonged. Sheesh, you have some balls, kid. Propositioning a stranger! How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

"I don't, but my gut tells me ya ain't and how do ya know I wasn't suggestin' somethin' like basketball? I was, ya know. I wouldn't fuck on the first date. I like ta romance my dates."

"Aw. How special. Love notes and flowers and candles?"

"Sure. Ya like that?"

"Kid, you seem like a nice boy, but you shouldn't be in this room. Lots of creeps about."

"Maybe, but ya ain't one. Ya seem nice and ya actually talk. And not down ta me like I'm dumb. People do that a lot, especially my dad. He thinks I'm stupid and temperamental. All he cares 'bout is my big brother, the golden boy. Rest of us don't count, but I'm the major disappointment. Bet he wishes he never had me. Beat me when I told him I liked a guy. What's wrong with likin' guys?"

"Nothing. Love is love. If you ask me, your dad is the one with the problem. He shouldn't be so closed minded. And he's wrong about you. You seem down to earth. All you need is affection and he should be giving you that."

"Finally! Someone with a brain. I like ya, metalmouth. So, ya wanna be friends? Sorry if I hit on ya. I shouldn't have."

"You got a deal."

"When we know one another better, we can give real names. For now stick ta our user names. I'll be on again tomorrow if ya wanna hang? Ya got a phone number? We can just text. I won't call ya. Promise. Until yer ready for that." Shredder gave it to him and Raphael typed, "Awesome. I'll text ya later. I'm feelin' sleepy again. It's these pills I'm takin'. Learned today I could develop blood clots, so gotta take these pills ta prevent them. Can ya believe it?"

"That's terrible. I'm sorry."

"I despise medication, but better than dyin', right? Gotta go. Have a good rest of the day and tell yer mom ya can organize yer own dates. Yer old enough. Why put up with her shitty suggestions? Ya ain't desperate."

"You are smart and I will. Keep well and tell your father from me he's a prick and that he's raising a remarkable young man."

"Thank ya. He'll never believe it, but ta me that means a lot that someone thinks I ain't garbage."

Raphael shut down the Ipad and thought, nice ta have someone I can talk ta. He's older, but so what? We could be good friends and help one another. Closing his eyes, Raphael soon drifted off to sleep.

 **A/N Thanks for the reviews and Donnie really is devious! Poor Raph!**


	8. Leo's payback

Leo returned from April's place just before dawn the next day and peeped in on his brother. Raphael was fast asleep and snoring gently, his plastron rising and falling with each breath. He looks peaceful, Leo thought. I'm glad he's going to be okay. He was about to leave, when sensing a presence in the room, Raphael stirred and opened his golden eyes. Seeing Leo, he glowered and said, "What the hell ya doin' here?"

"Just wanted to see if you were all right, Raph."

"I'm fine. No thanks ta ya."

"About yesterday. Can we talk?"

"No."

"I'm going to say my piece anyway."

"It fuckin' doesn't matter, Leo. I'm with Donnie now. I don't give a shit 'bout ya. I never did. All I wanted was ta fuck ya and after doin' that, I'd have dumped ya," Raphael hissed, determined to hurt Leo even though he so badly wanted to tell him he still wanted him. But Leo had wounded his pride too much and he couldn't bear anymore heartache.

Hurt registered on Leo's face for a brief moment, but he quickly masked it. Ever stoic, he said, "I see. Well, sleep well, Raph."

"I didn't mean nothin' ta ya either, did I?"

"No," Leo said coolly, wanting to hurt him back. "You were just fun. Good day, Raphael. I'm glad we cleared things up."

"Ya should know yer kinda borin' in the sack," Raphael returned, miffed at his aloofness. "Need ta work on yer performance."

"Mikey has no issues with me and says I'm great in bed."

"Kid's polite and afraid of dentin' yer ego!"

Leo opened his mouth to retort, but decided against it and stalked out. Bastard, Raphael thought. I meant nothin' ta him. Surely, he should realize I'm only sayin' these things outta anger and I still love him. Well, fuck him. If he's gonna be that stupid, I'm gonna move on and date Donnie. See how he likes that. Fuck. I can't sleep now. I'm so mad at him. I'm gonna go online and see if there's anyone ta talk ta.

Raphael opened the dresser, took out his IPad and went online. To his delight, metalmouth86 was online. "Hey, buddy," he typed. "Yer up late."

"So are you. Shouldn't you be asleep, like all good kids?" Shredder wrote back.

"Can't sleep. Lot on my mind. Ya talked ta yer mom yet?"

"No."

"Why not? Afraid?"

"It's not that. Trying to find the right time."

"Lol. Yer scared of her, ain't ya?"

"She has a vicious temper. I don't like seeing her mad. Don't laugh. It's not funny."

"No. It's kinda sad, man. Yer an adult. Stand up ta the woman!"

"Says you, who's frightened of his dad."

"I ain't. I stand up ta him all the time. What part of bein' the rebel didn't ya get? He yells at me all the time and grounds me and is an asshole. I wish I could run away, but no one would want a troubled young kid."

"You could stay with me."

"Lol. Yer mom would be all up yer ass lettin' a strange kid live with ya and I don't need an old bat snoopin' in my affairs. I'll live here until I'm eighteen and then I'll move on. Where? I haven't decided, but it's gotta be better than here."

"The other remains, kid, and the grass isn't always greener on the other side."

"Oh, yeah? No one fuckin' understands me and my eldest bro is so thick. We fucked and he said it meant nothin' ta him. How cold is that?"

"You slept with your brother? That's revolting."

"I ain't got no other options apart from my brothers, who have…We all have this genetic disease that makes us look like freaks with scaly skin. People scream when they see us."

"Still your brother."

"I had sleepless nights over it too, but it felt so right with him and he said he loved me. Really loved me, but he's bangin' one of our other brothers now. Hurts when I see them so lovey-dovey and I feel…I wanna cry, but I'm supposed ta be the tough one. The Alpha and me cryin' would be deemed weak and pathetic, ya know."

"It's all right to show your feelings. I think it shows strength of character and your brother sounds like a dipshit if he's moved on so quickly. I don't agree with the incest thing, but I do understand your options are limited."

"Finally, someone does! My dad thinks I'm sick and a true ninja should remain pure and virtuous and sex clouds the mind."

"Even ninjas have urges that need to be met and you're a young man with raging hormones. I understand."

"Wow. It's so easy talkin'ta ya. Ya get it. My dad beat me, because he I told him I screwed my big bro. H doesn't understand what it's like bein' me and he should, because he has a genetic disease too. But all he does is preach and blah, blah, blah. I'm so fed up with all this shit. Sometimes, I just wanna punch someone! That's why I got a punchin' bag, because I get so pissed off! Anyway, big bro can go suck a lemon. I'm gonna date our other brother."

"But it'll end in disaster. You don't want him. Does he want you?"

"He wants our big bro too."

"If your big bro's such a shit, why do you all want his tail?"

"Well, he's awesome, smart, funny and carin' and sexy. I could stare into his sapphire eyes forever and when we're together, it just feels like nothin' else exists. Just us and it's so perfect and the sex is too. But I wanted to hurt him after he chose our youngest bro and said he sucked in bed and he meant nothin' ta me when he came ta apologize. I think he wanted me back. But he should know I often say things outta anger and I didn't mean it and that I still love and cherish him."

"Lol who's the silly one now? You have a lot to learn about love, cub."

"Not funny!"

"Look, you're mad about him. Go talk to him and tell him how you feel."

"Do ya think I'm fucked-up wantin' my bro?"

"It's kind of messed up, yes, but like you said, you have no other options. If you want him back, tell him you're sorry and try and make amends."

"I can't."

"Why not? Too proud? Kid, egos shouldn't come into the equation if you really love him."

"I do, but I'm afraid he'll reject me again."

"Tell you what. I'll talk to my mom this morning and you do the same to your bro and we'll talk later today about it? Sound good?"

"I'm not good at feelings."

"Just be honest and say you're sorry and you love him. Wait. Does he love your other brother? The one you planned on dating?"

"No."

"And the one he's with now?"

"No."

"Then talk to him. I have to go now. I'm expecting an important business call."

"Thanks. Can I have yer number again? Forgot it."

Shredder typed his digits and said, "Kid, you're wonderful. Believe in yourself. Take care, my friend."

Raphael swallowed thickly at the praise and said, "Thanks, pal. Later."

Steeling himself, Raphael thought, he's right. I don't want Donnie. I want Leo. My Leo. We belong together. Fuck my pride! I love him. Love him so damn much.

Raphael found a spare T-phone in the dresser and dialled Leo's number. "Leo?"

"What do you want? I was nearly asleep?" Leo demanded furiously.

"I just…wanted ta say I'm…."

"I got your message loud and clear."

"No, Leo. Just let me…."

Raphael's phone dinged, signalling an incoming message. It read video. Opening it, his heart sank when he saw that it was a video of Leo and Mikey screwing, churrs escaping their throats, eyes glazed over in pure ecstasy. "Oh, Leo, you're amazing!" Mikey groaned. "Love you so damn much."

"Raphael, you there?" Leo asked coldly. "Get the video? I take it you did. I got your message and this is my final one to you. You were just sex and I love Mikey. Forever."

His heart shattered and tears streaming down his cheeks, Raphael dropped the phone onto the bed and thought, my Leo. Gone. My fault. I shouldn't have said those things. My Leo! Why do I always fuck things up? I'm such a screw-up. I wanna die. Hurts so bad inside and feels like I can't breathe.

 **A/N Poor Raph needs hugs and cuddles. Poor angel. Will Shredder stand up to his mom?**


End file.
